What's Stopping Me from Leaving Law School?

Photo Credit: Wandering Mist

When faced with a tough decision, I always carefully think of all possible consequences. Leaving law school is no different. My heart says that I really, really, really want to leave. The problem is, my mind doesn't agree. My mind has been a constant adversary of my happiness. You see, I am a mind over heart person. I think about things before acting on them. This time, my thoughts are about other people's opinion. And it's what's stopping me from leaving Law School and move to the direction I want to take.

There are two groups of people that I consider in this decision- those who care about me and those who do not thoroughly know me.

I fear that those who don't know me would judge me as weak. I don't want to be labeled as the girl who quits when the going gets tough. Normally, people assume that a person quits law school because he can't take the pressure. I thought that way before so trust me I know. I don't want anyone to think that I can't handle law school because I can. It's just that I no longer think it's worth the sacrifice. It's been pointed out a hundred times that pleasing people is pointless. I know this but I still care about other people's opinion. It bothers me when I hear negative remarks about me. Fortunately, one of my roommates (Ate Shari) had convinced me that the views of those who don't know me are irrelevant. Sure they would hurt but eventually I'll forget about them. They don't know my story to begin with so it shouldn't really matter.

The hard part is that there are people who genuinely care for me. They want nothing but to see me succeed and attain my potentials. This group includes my parents, siblings, relatives, and close friends. Papa, Mama, Tang Randy, my siblings have always been supportive of me. They dream of seeing me become a righteous lawyer.

I have the best parents. Seeing how much they have sacrificed for me, I want to make them happy. I want to repay them for their unconditional love. They want to have a lawyer in the family. Being the ambitious person that I am, I want to be the perfect child. I want to make them proud, to show them that all their hard work will payoff. So their dream became my dream and there was a time in my life that I actually wanted to live that dream. God knows I don't want to blow my chance of making my parents happy. The least that I want now is to disappoint my parents and those who believe and pray for me. Because if I disappoint them, I know that I would feel disappointed with myself too. Sometimes, I think that I'm too hard on myself.

For someone who claims she's emotional, I analyze things too much. I wish I could just stop thinking and act on impulse. They say that the most spontaneous decisions are usually the ones that make us happy. They are what our heart truly desires. If I act on impulse right now, I wouldn't finish my final exams anymore and just pack my things. But as I've mentioned, I'm a thinker. So I'll collect the pieces of little appreciation I have left for Law School and take my remaining exams, write those case digests and research paper. I shall lay this matter on the table, for now.