Shake Pessimism Off

It's so easy to be happy when things are going well in your life. But it's much easier to be negative when life gets challenging. While there are those who are gifted with optimism, not everyone is as blessed. I, for one, have always struggled with maintaining a positive outlook when things get a bit rough. Changing my mindset during trying times always calls for deliberate effort on my part.

I remember when I was younger I posted a motivational quote in my room that reads: "Life is a matter of perspective. It's either you complain because roses have thorns or you rejoice because thorns have roses." Posting the quote and wanting to live by optimism weren't enough to stop me from complaining about the thorns. Often, I unconsciously, almost automatically, worry when something doesn't go the way I want it.

Stamped Stars in Law School

XT, my youngest nephew, started going to school. Everyday when he arrives home, he would always showoff the stamped stars on his hands signifying that he was well-behaved or had performed good in class. And he feels sad on days that he didn't receive a star. It has been a practice in kindergarten to motivate students and reinforce good behaviors by stamping stars or giving them ribbons and the like. This practice is the application of psychological theory particularly the operant conditioning.

Tiptoeing in Law School

It's been a long while. I've been busy pretending to be a diligent law student. Returning to law school after a year out has been tough. Really tough. To be honest, I'm still not back in my best foot even after a semester since my return.

Last semester was such a struggle and sadly I was on the losing end. There were nights when I easily give in to sleep's call even when I'm supposed to be studying. There were times when I'd go to class without reading the assignment and would just pray not to be called in recitations. There were also days when I would open my book and stare at a page for an hour without actually reading anything. When I try to study, the walls and the ceiling suddenly become interesting to look at; even cleaning my room turns out  to be an appealing task. But the worst was when I didn't study for the final exams of two of my subjects. I'm not the most diligent student in college but I've always exerted effort for my exams. It was horrible, especially for my guilt. "What's happening to me?," was a constant question I asked myself. I missed the Maris who endures sleepless nights just to ace her exams; I missed her determination and persistence. Maybe I was still half-hearted contrary to my promise that I'd embrace everything willingly.

Note to Self

Just embrace the challenges and disappointments, openly and willingly. No more complaints; no more reliance on luck; no more laid-back attitude; no more excuses. Commit to and act on your goals. 

In the end, you shall overcome!

Reassurance Against Fear and Despair

Tonight's one of those nights when I can't move on from a recitation. The regret of not being able to remember something you've studied, the blame you put on your shoulder for not studying harder, the desire to go back in time and change the circumstances - these are the feelings that's been bugging me after my class earlier. In fact, these feelings have been my mind's tenants since my return in law school.  I badly want to expel them because they prevent me from focusing on studying for my subjects tomorrow, which also require my attention.

Officially a Rettorney!

I'll let you in on a little secret. I went back to law school. Today, I'm now officially enrolled. Sshhhhhhhh... I didn't tell everyone. Only my family, a few of my friends and law school buddies know about it.

After the May 2013 election, I made up my mind that I was going to go back. But I also decided that I would transfer to another campus. Deciding to quit law school was hard and deciding to return was even harder. I had to swallow everything I've said when I left. So, I wanted a new environment and a new set of people. It's my own way of starting with a clean slate (Although, I know that it's not a clean slate. After all, all our actions and decisions in the past have consequences that we can never escape.).

The Difficulty of Following One's Heart

FACT: Making a decision doesn't make the questions and doubts go away.

After deciding to leave Law School, my mind didn't stop bothering me. I still lie awake at night pondering on whether I made the right choice. I sometimes stop in the middle of a chore and just stare into space. During bad days, I even consider the idea of returning to Law School.

What's my plan?

I've officially left Law School last November 9, 2012. I didn't write about it because I wasn't in the mood. Even before I finished taking my last two exams, I knew that I would not go back for second semester. I paid my dorm and left but it took me two weeks to submit my leave of absence letter. Yeah, I filed for a leave of absence. I didn't completely omit Law School from my life. I had to give my parents a glimmer of hope so that they'll let me call my own shots. And I also figured that I might think of coming back in the future.

What's Stopping Me from Leaving Law School?

Photo Credit: Wandering Mist

When faced with a tough decision, I always carefully think of all possible consequences. Leaving law school is no different. My heart says that I really, really, really want to leave. The problem is, my mind doesn't agree. My mind has been a constant adversary of my happiness. You see, I am a mind over heart person. I think about things before acting on them. This time, my thoughts are about other people's opinion. And it's what's stopping me from leaving Law School and move to the direction I want to take.

Reasons for Leaving Law School

Finishing law school would be best for me and my family. It would provide me one heck of a good-paying job, an ideal career, a privileged status in the society, protection for my loved ones. The list is endless. BUT I know in my heart that pursuing it would be a wrong decision.

Crossroad: To Quit or Not to Quit Law School

I'm facing a crossroad right now. One that I created myself not for want of drama but because my mind and heart don't agree on what makes me happy. I must decide before the 2nd semester starts whether I want to stay or leave law school.

Gone Off Track

The week is almost over. I've never been this eager for the weekend to come. It's been a terrible week for me. It was tiring - physically, mentally and emotionally draining.

My Love of Law

My dream of becoming a lawyer was born when I was in fifth grade. I originally wanted to be a teacher. It felt like I was born with that ambition. Maybe all children first dreamed to be a teacher since our teachers are our first hero outside home. I used to always draw a blackboard and a stick version of me on papers. Then, I had this teacher in fifth grade who taught us about the 1987 Philippine Constitution.

Chuck, Blair and Law School

“In the face of true love, you don't just give up even if the object of your affection is begging you to.”

This is one of the most memorable and striking lines of Chuck Bass (Although, I believe that all his lines leave lingering impact). Whoever said that Gossip Girl is only about love, scandal, sex and aggressiveness doesn't know what he was saying.

Dose of Optimism

The Heavenly Father had enlightened and empowered me today. He made me see my current situation in a different light – a more optimistic and enthusiastic perspective. Law school and the adjustment in terms of study habit that it entails had made me really lonely for the past week. Although I maintained a smiley outside facade, I was actually hopeless inside. I don’t know what exactly transpired. I just felt lighter. Perhaps, God carried the burden I was carrying on my behalf. He lifted my worries, and filled my heart with the Grace of His love.

The First Roadblock

Five days in law school and I already found myself crying in hopelessness. Right from the start, I knew that it would be hard. Before classes started, I tried to prepare myself emotionally. I actually thought that I succeeded. But obviously I didn't. This is the first challenge I faced in law school - winning the mind game. Law school tests the students' character and passion.

Fear: A Dreamer's Enemy

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." This is one of my  favorite motivational statements of Paulo Coehlo. Indeed, our fear hinders us from doing or achieving certain things. Fear is all in our mind. Once we've learned to conquer our fear, we will discover that it is actually what was restraining us to achieve our full potential from the start.