I'm facing a crossroad right now. One that I created myself not for want of drama but because my mind and heart don't agree on what makes me happy. I must decide before the 2nd semester starts whether I want to stay or leave law school.
I feel trapped doing something I wanted to do but do not anymore. I feel stuck in law school. I thought I wanted this. Law school is such a big deal for my parents and for people around me so I said to myself that I'd give it a shot. I wanted to test how much stress I can endure and I wanted badly to prove people that I can survive the challenges that law school entails. For a few months, I succeeded in convincing myself that I want to pursue it and that I can do it. When I read my past posts about law school, it's as if I'm reading someone else's thoughts and not my own.
It was when I was preparing for our final exams that I became certain that law school or being a lawyer is not what would make me happy. The thought that I've been trying too hard to repress had at last overpowered me. I was finally able to admit to myself that it's is not what I want. It's what my parents want for me and in my desire to please them and give back for all the sacrifices they've made for me, I made their dream as my own. From that acknowledgement, I realized that I need to leave. But it's not that easy. I have to really think this over as carefully as I can.
To quit or not quit law school? I'm not sure yet. Good thing that I still have more than a week to decide. I just wish that whatever decision I make would be the best for my happiness and for my future.
I feel trapped doing something I wanted to do but do not anymore. I feel stuck in law school. I thought I wanted this. Law school is such a big deal for my parents and for people around me so I said to myself that I'd give it a shot. I wanted to test how much stress I can endure and I wanted badly to prove people that I can survive the challenges that law school entails. For a few months, I succeeded in convincing myself that I want to pursue it and that I can do it. When I read my past posts about law school, it's as if I'm reading someone else's thoughts and not my own.
It was when I was preparing for our final exams that I became certain that law school or being a lawyer is not what would make me happy. The thought that I've been trying too hard to repress had at last overpowered me. I was finally able to admit to myself that it's is not what I want. It's what my parents want for me and in my desire to please them and give back for all the sacrifices they've made for me, I made their dream as my own. From that acknowledgement, I realized that I need to leave. But it's not that easy. I have to really think this over as carefully as I can.
P.S. On my next post, I will write my specific reasons for wanting to leave law school.
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