The Difficulty of Following One's Heart

FACT: Making a decision doesn't make the questions and doubts go away.

After deciding to leave Law School, my mind didn't stop bothering me. I still lie awake at night pondering on whether I made the right choice. I sometimes stop in the middle of a chore and just stare into space. During bad days, I even consider the idea of returning to Law School.

As I delve deeper into my thoughts, my fears of the future increase. Fortunately, (before I turn into a pessimistic, insecure lass) I came across a blog which reminded me of "The Alchemist" and Paulo Coehlo's timeless life lessons.

I'm now more certain that I made the right decision.

I found the answer I needed from this passage taken from Paulo Coehlo's "The Alchemist:"

"Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

"Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."

"But my heart is agitated," the boy said. "It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I'm thinking about her."

"Well, that's good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say."

During the next three days, the two travelers passed by a number of armed tribesmen, and saw others on the horizon. The boy's heart began to speak of fear. It told him stories it had heard from the Soul of the World, stories of men who sought to find their treasure and never succeeded. Sometimes it frightened the boy with the idea that he might not find his treasure, or that he might die there in the desert. At other times, it told the boy that it was satisfied: it had found love and riches.

"My heart is a traitor," the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. "It doesn't want me to go on."

"That makes sense," the alchemist answered. "Naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won."

"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

"You mean I should listen, even if it's treasonous?"

"Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

"You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."

I know that I made the right decision because leaving Law School is an assessment I made from listening to my heart's wishes. Following my heart is not an easy journey. It's a wobbly, unpopular path.

I'm well aware that I would be overwhelmed by my own fears and doubts every now and then. Still, I would be happy in the end, as in the words of Paulo Coehlo, "...no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."